I win the Gold Asshole Award
Baseball has its Gold Glove Award given to the best fielder at each position; my softball team has me.
On Thursday, as my team held on to its slim 4-run lead in the 6th inning, one of the opposing players (who I thought was British because of his Cricket-like swing) gets a double. As the following batter gets ready for the pitch, Monty Python starts to inch off second base. From my shortstop position, I say to him, "Hey, no leading off!" On the next pitch, I see Blairy McBlairy again leading off. I yell, "Hey, there's no leading off in softball!" As my words resonate through the muggy afternoon air, the batter lines one into center field, driving in Bend it Like Beckham and inciting me to scream, "What the fuck! You can't score if you lead off second!" Inning ends and I trot to the sideline. The other team's captain comes up to me. I'm thinking, "What POSSIBLE excuse could he have?" He says, "Dude, he's deaf." After three seconds of complete quiet that gives me enough time to figure out all the exits, I say, "I'm sorry. I didn't know."
I made some pretty good plays out there. But yelling at a deaf kid who didn't know the rules was my assholiest play of all.