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ArJewTino

“Latins are tenderly enthusiastic. In Brazil, they throw flowers at you. In Argentina, they throw themselves." -- Marlene Dietrich

Live From Buenos Aires, Vol. II

"La gente vive en terror," my aunt told me last night during dinner. The people live in terror. She began to explain why Buenos Aires no longer is the safe city of my youth, but after my third day here, I think I realized my own reasons why BA should be feared:

1. Kamikaze Pigeons. While sightseeing in la Plaza de Mayo, we were bombarded by the craziest, low-flying pigeons I have ever seen. These flying bacteria traps would take off en masse, turn off whatever internal radar systems they used, and swoop past passers-by mere inches from our faces. At least they're not lazy like in the U.S.

2. Crazy Women. Argentinean women are known to be passionate. Piss one off, and you might end up being on the receiving end of a face smack so hard your head spins around. We saw one woman yesterday berating her boyfriend or husband, then pulled a Dynasty on him and slapped him clear across the face. Whatever it was he did to merit such violence, I don´t want to know.

3. Mullets. Seriously, mullets everywhere. Apparently, it´s all the rage. Our tour driver yesterday could have passed for Billy Ray Cyrus.

4. Exploited Children. This one´s kind of sad, actually. So many little children, barefoot and dirty, exploited by their parents to walk up to people and beg for change. It´s heartbreaking. But man, they are persistent. Gotta watch your wallet.

5. Mosquitoes. These insects love American blood but, luckily, don´t carry malaria. Otherwise, I wouldn´t be writing this right now.
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